One of the most common complaints I hear from my female clients is that they can't find the right guy. There is an overwhelming fear that good guys no longer exist...Yet, we are on a planet with over a billion people, so logically that can not be the case. Trust me, there are plenty of great men out there. I come across them regularly in my every day life... but the question is are you really ready for them?
Are your actions and behaviors attracting men toward you or are they repelling love? Is it possible that you are sabotaging your chances at finding the best man for you?
HERE ARE FIVE COMMON THINGS WOMEN DO THAT CAN PUSH LOVE AWAY:
1. YOU DON'T BELIEVE THERE ARE GOOD MEN OUT THERE
When you walk your path of love with that subconscious (or conscious) thought that good men don't exist. You are in fact energetically making that your reality. It's as if you have a large sign around your neck that screams, "I DON'T LIKE MY OPTIONS!".
I want to share one of the best stories I have heard from a woman who wrote into my show about her friend Stephanie. Stephanie was a woman surrounded by amazing men who were always vying for her attention. They paid for dinners, took her fun and exciting places, even paid her bills from time to time. When asked how this seemingly average looking diva did it? Stephanie's response floored me... She laughed and said, "It's easy really, I simply love men!". As I delved deeper into her background, Stephanie had great male role models as a child and learned an appreciation and respect for her male counterparts.
She went on to explain that although she isn't in love with all of her suitors, she enjoys men and likes being around them. She didn't spend any of her time dissecting them and pulling out the negatives. She simply enjoyed her time with them. She found something attractive, interesting or funny about each of them. They were wonderful listeners, great friends, loyal and extremely protective. She didn't put any pressure on herself to find a mate in these men, nor did she feel any obligation to have sex with them. Yet, she had set herself up to have an opportunity at something special if she so desired. She was honest and fun and open to what each man had to offer her. By allowing herself to get to know these men without the pressure of finding a life mate, both herself and the men in her corner were able to relax and explore the possibilities.
2. YOU HAVE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
When women come to me who are seeking a relationship, they usually arrive with a list of "must-haves" a mile long. "He must be tall, he must make a good living, he must be the same religion", he must, he must, he must. That's a lot of pressure to put not only on the man, but on yourself. All this pressure before you have gotten to know one another.
Does this sound familiar... You meet a seemingly nice guy, he's polite and fairly handsome, but he dresses a bit different then you would like, or perhaps he is shy, or didn't come on strong enough, or came on too strong, or was a few minutes late - and you reject him.
Why did you refuse to give him a chance? Women often have said, "they refuse to settle". My response to that is, "Go back and read Number 1." Just enjoy men. Stop putting so much pressure on finding a life mate within the first 5 minutes of meeting. Ask yourself, "Could I be scrutinizing myself right out of the possibility of a relationship with a great guy?"
3. YOU KEEP CHOOSING THE "WRONG MEN"
You are choosing men based on feelings and sexual desire. You’re drawn to men who are tall, confident, mysterious and intriguing. Something about uncertainty makes you weak in the knees. Feel me? They aren't calling you every day or texting, so it makes you want them more? Does that make a lot of sense? You may find yourselves attracted to the chase or the man you can't have, but is that healthy?
In order to fall in love with a good man, you have to make a choice to get to know a man. There needs to be a concerted effort to stay away from men who are selfish, emotionally unavailable, abusive in any way or noncommittal.
If you are seeking a relationship with a good man, pay attention to the men who are kind to you, reliable, conscientious and dote on you. These are the positive criteria to look for in a long term mate.
4. YOU HAVE BAGGAGE
How many times have you entered into the dating world after a bad breakup and carry your hurtful past with you like a Louis Vuitton purse? You may be untrusting, demanding, insecure, fearful and incredibly jaded. Do you go on your first date with a wall of fear around you? If so, you may need to take time to heal, to recover, to mourn and to work on yourself before you look for a mate.
If you go into a relationship thinking the worst, or fearful he will abandon you, how can you expect to attract the right man and if you do attract him...will he stay? It's very important that you don't allow your hurtful past to dictate your future. If you find that you are unable to let it go and your behaviors are pushing love away, it might be a good idea to seek out the help of a good friend, a life coach or therapist before diving into the dating pool.
5. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS NON COMMITTAL
You say you want a boyfriend or husband but when you start dating a nice guy, you don't really want to share your time with him. Does that make sense? You will casually date and hook up from time to time, but you always keep him at a distance. You are always looking for the bad in him, causing fights when things start to get close...sound familiar? if so, perhaps you may not have created space in your life for a real relationship.
If you have found a good guy who really does want to spend quality time with you and you will do anything to find fault or create drama when there isn't any...If you are in fact pushing him away, you may want to accept a more casual dating situation until you are ready for something more serious.